28062006

28th of June 2006, a date to remember. It is the day which I finally decided not to cling on to my past so tightly but let it go, a day which I chose to take a big step in front, not staying back in my comfort zone, and a day which I chose to start anew and let God have His way in me.
In the morning, I realized that I’ve kept reminding myself about the hurt and pain I had in my life but not willing to let go of them. I was just self-pitying all this while but did not take the effort to do something. Then I knew that I need to step out and really let go.

In the past one month, I had tried taking tiny steps in front, learning to open up myself again. A person who did not really feel began to feel again. It was scary in the beginning. I was so scare to be vulnerable. But, isn’t it the way God designed us to be? To love, to care and to give ourselves freely to others? Knowing that to love means to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, that whoever that we love will be able to hurt us really scared me. Not wanting to give myself or take the risk of being hurt again was my stand in the past. I was selfish.

But, look, God has done a great job in my life. He has me opened up again by giving me the chance to learn this lesson. He will never let me go until I’ve learned my lesson. Though I was avoiding it in the past, asking God to give me more time in dealing with this issue, but I think God insisted that I shall not run away from my problem.

So, here I am, standing bold in front of God, letting Him to be in control of the whole situation and my whole life, learning to trust and obey Him wherever He might lead. And I shall live a life that truly honours Him. I believe that if God brings me to it, He will bring me through it. I shall look upon Him at all times.

This shall be my song:

Shepherd of my soul,
I give You full control
Wherever You may lead
I will follow
I have made the choice
To listen for Your voice
Wherever You may lead
I will go

Be it in a quiet pasture
Or by a gentle stream
The Shepherd of my soul
Is by my side
Should I face the mighty mountain
Or a valley dark and deep
The Shepherd of my soul will be my guide.

“Girl, be strong and of good courage. Do not be afraid for I am with you.”