yuyu

Anticipating a Special Someone - Ian Pang

2010-08-24T17:59:00.003+08:00

I'm really not a faithful blogger.. only when it is absolutely necessary
else I forgot about blogging..

After celebrating our 1st wedding anniversary on 08082010, now we are anticipating an even meaningful and life changing event - the coming of OUR darling son - Ian Pang.

He is expected to due on 4/9. However, after my last check up with doctor, he was estimated to be quite big, 3.3kg. Diameter of his head is 9.0cm, about 36weeks size while stomach is the size of 39weeks. His head was yet to engaged properly, still at station -2.

I was kinda worry that my pelvic area is not wide enough for him to engage properly. After the check up, I kept telling baby that it was time to enter into station already.

We still managed to capture a nice 3D picture of him at 38th week. We thought he looks like Pang but his lips thickness are something like mine =)

The next visit is on this Sat (28082010), some major decisions should be made after this visit to Dr.

We have yet to give him a nice Chinese name. It's not easy to name a baby. However, consider those who need to go to the Feng Shui shifu, ours is quite easy. We don't count the strokes, we don't look at the time and date when he's born. We only choose a name that we think is nice and suitable for him

As for Ian, it means God is gracious. I like the meaning. God is ever gracious. He is so gracious to us that He has given this marvellous gift to us in the very early days of our marriage. How thankful and grateful we are to Him.

Hallelujah, praise the Lord!

Welcome back!

2009-05-16T15:23:00.002+08:00

Let me start blogging again. After a long long while, maybe it's time to resume it though I may not have any reader :) It's just a site for myself.

I'm getting married in less than 90 days from now. Time flies. So excited about it!

Many things have changed in 2 years time. One decision leads to another. And I'm glad and happy that I am where I am now.

I'm thankful to God for bringing Pang into my life. He is indeed a blessing to me. As we are going to embark in a new journey as husband and wife together, I pray that God will be the center of our marriage and family. As we centered our marriage and family in God, we know that we are building our home on a strong, firm foundation.

Studying KPLI currently at IPTB Kampus Tuanku Bainun. Life is so hectic.

I know, God is training me to be stronger and tougher. I shall not lose my focus, I shall not stray away. God is my shepherd.

Be good, Han-Yu. :)

About feelings

2008-01-27T20:55:00.000+08:00

Something is missing in me? Is it so?
Something is missing over the time.
Or rather, I've grown?

But does growing up means giving away certain traits in your life?
Not really so.
But I think, sometimes something may just disappear without you noticing it

like, being sentimental.

I was reading someone's blog - realized that we've all grown up.
That person, is still very in touched with her feelings and emotions
me, on the other hand, have let things passed me by more easily

Was I too busy to keep in touch with my inner being?
Maybe not

Just the way we view things and response to things.

Anyway, I miss missing old times
I miss spending time, or rather, wasting time in certain ways
like doing cards and artwork
I shall pick it up again - because that can shape my life in certain ways

Work is taking up too much of my time?
No time to do something?

Maybe it's just the matter of whether you want to do it or not
Make a decision to choose to do something
Then set your heart to do it
And do it right, do it well

Only You

2007-10-03T20:20:00.000+08:00

Have you heard of the song
"Only You"?

saying this to You --

the only One whom I can trust and I trust
the only One who gives me rest and peace
the only One where my strength comes from
the only One who will never leave me nor forsake me
the only One who holds me close to His heart
the only One who is always faithful and merciful
the only One who never fails me
the only One who knows me inside out
the only One whom I run to when I am desperate
the only One who has my best interest in mind
the only One who loves me

let me be at rest

Choices in Life

2007-10-03T20:10:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wonder -
your life can be totally different
from the way it used to be
by just a change of mind?

you can laugh,
when you choose to
you can stop crying,
when you choose to
you can persist on
if you choose to
and
similarly
you can give up
if you choose to

Life is all about choices we make,
isn't it?

Everything happens in your life
Every decision you make
Every move you take
and even
Every word you say
makes so much difference
not only in your life
but others' lives, too

And once you decided
on something,
is there any turning back?

Well, that depends on you
I think

UpdAtEs.. uPdAteS.. UPDATES!

2007-07-28T12:35:00.000+08:00

wow, it has been sometime since i last updated my blog. well, busy... is always the best answer :)
time to revive my blog and update.
first, i'm no longer a STUDENT!!
i graduated last May, finished my last paper in my life (felt so sad when i finished the paper, sad to leave the exam hall and my "examination life" behind, after all, i've been a product of examination, and sat for many many tests and examinations all my life).
now i'm looking forward to my BIG day! my CONVOCATION! my big day is on the 19th of Aug 2007, and is the morning 9am session. for my friends in Pg, do drop by and share this great moment with me. i hope to see many of you by then.
well, i really miss PKA and USM, and of course its swimming pool and the lifeguards..
my uni life, study was not really the main component but the people there had made a great, significant impact in my life. the three years there has been the most wonderful and fulfilling time. looking back at it now, i can say that i'm blessed in so many ways by all of you, despite the many tears and struggles, as these had shaped me into who i am today. i thank all of you who walked into my life and lent a light to me, many many of you all. i hope we can somehow continue to paint colours into one's life in the future, that we may spark off some new sparks if our lives do meet.
i'm currently working as a translator in a legal firm in KL. i love my job and enjoy immersing myself in the world of languages. i love my dictionaries and buku istilah because they play a very important role in my work :) my bosses are good and my colleagues are good, too. i also get to manage the library there and hopefully, will have time to read up some text books in the library, and learn more things in the world of law.
i'm even more blessed to be able to stay with my 2nd uncle and auntie. with dinner ready everytime i go home and a room to myself, hot shower awaits me everyday, i'm really blessed. it's very homely there. this back me up in my work as it enables me to really concentrate and give my best to my work.
and many thanks to my beloved one who has been there for me all the way, who has become my mastermind and given many advices to me when i'm confused or lost, who is so far yet so near to me.
and the greatest honour goes to God, my DEAR FRIEND. He is the one to be praised and i thank Him for His wonderful plan for me. He has not forsaken me even though i've strayed away, and with open arms, He welcomes me back to His warm embrace. He has protected my and kept me safe and sound through danger and threats. and He provides my every needs and reaches out to me when i need Him the most. introducing Him to all of you--- He is Jesus Christ. if you do not know Him, try to get to know Him because He is a real and living God. you'll find Him a great and wonderful one.

finally, i love my life.

Great Experience

2007-03-29T10:35:00.000+08:00

That day, hmm.. 27th of April I went for bible blitz with the Gideons International. What did we do basically? We distributed out bibles to normal people like the students, the sick, the old and others.

The Gideons International serves as an extended missionary arm of the church: Our sole purpose is to win men, women, boys and girls to a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ through association for service, personal testimony, and distributing the Bible in the human traffic lanes and streams of everyday life. (quoted: http://www.gideons.org/)

This week, the Gideons International is distributing bibles in Penang island, Butterworth dan Sungai Petani. Since it is my last week in campus, some of my classes has ended and I found myself to be more free to do other things. So, when George, one of the Gideon came to our church on last Sunday to share about the Gideons ministry and the bible blitz, asking for volunteers to join them in distributing the bibles, my heart was moved and I decided to give my time to the Lord and serve Him in this manner.

I told them that I volunteer myself, then Steven (a Malaysian Gideon) turned to ask George "Is it ok to have a woman in the bible blitz?" I didn't quite understand at that time what caused him to ask the question. However, later on he told me that it is Gideons rule that only men can join as members while the women can be auxiliary members if their husbands are Gideons. I see. And according to him, I am one of the rare case and maybe the first in the history of Gideons. Anyway, I told God that I don't want to feel proud but I just want to serve Him and the people.
There are 6 people in our team, George as our team leader while Steven, the assistant. There were a couple, bro David and his wife, sis Chua from Kota Bahru. They told us that they took a bus from Kota Bahru to Penang, all the way just to join us in this bible blitz. By the way, bro David is 73 and sis Chua is 70! Can you imagine that? They are not young anymore but their passion for God is burning. They are senior citizens who normally sit at home and enjoy having grandchildren around but they took the trouble to come and stood under the burning sun to distribute bibles to people. I was inspired and moved by their love for the Lord and the people.

Inti International College Penang campus was our first destination. Most of the students there got the bible already because the day before, another team of the Gideons went there. Next stop was USM Sungai Dua. We managed to give out quite a lot of bibles there compared to Inti College, and the people were quite open to listen to me explaining how to use the bible. Also, a miracle happened when Steven was allowed to place 10 bibles in a child specialist whereby the doctor is a strong Buddhist. Praise the Lord! Next, we went to Union High School. There, you can see students streaming out after the school bell rang, and we were like fighting a battle, trying not to miss out any students. Busy giving out bibles and praying hard in my heart, that feeling couldn't be forgotten. After Union High School, we went on the Han Jiang High School where many Thai students were studying. I talked to a 15-year-old girl whose name is Sharon. It was a nice chat and I got the chance to encourage her to share the gospel with her friends in school about Christ.

After Han Jiang, our stock (bible) was running out and we had to go back to our 'base', St. Andrew's Church, to get more bibles. We counted the number of bibles that we gave out for the whole morning and afternoon and it recorded 1914 bibles. Our hearts were filled with joy because we knew that as the bibles go out, it'll surely bear fruits and is able to bring people to Christ.

Next up we went to Velvet Home for the old and Penang Home. I prayed that these old men and women will find Christ and joy, peace and love through the bibles we placed there. Finally, we went back to Union High School to wait for their next session of classes dismissed.

Even though I could only join them for a day, but I thank God for the wonderful opportunity that He has given me. I know that this ministry had and still is, and will be continue to bless many people around the world. A lot of money has been offered up to print the many bibles to give out for free, but if one life is saved through this work, that will be worth it all. Thank God for those who willingly give and may God use our little 5 louves of bread and 2 fish to bless many.

Still

2007-03-16T09:57:00.000+08:00

Even though the world may turn against me
God will always stay by my side
Even though significant others in my life may not support me
God knows my way, and He said, "Be still, my child."
Even though I might be badly hurt
God can heal me
Even though they may not see your heart and deeds
God takes note of every thought I have, be it kind or cruel
Even though I may think that things are so unfair
God says, "justice is in me."
Even though it seems to be a dark valley
God will continue to lead me on and I shall see the sunlit path
Even though I may not see how He can bring me out of the "dead end"
He knows the plan

From the beginning of this semester until this point of life, week 13, I see how God led me. One step at a time, I see His gentle big hand holding mine. I maybe timid, I maybe scared; I maybe prideful, I maybe wrong. But my God, You never leave me nor forsake me. You engraved my name on your palm, though mother may forget the baby in her embrace, You'll never forget about me. Thus far, You've led me. My faith in You grow more and more as I experience You more in my life. I can only give thanks and sing praises to You, my Dear.

PKA AGM

2007-03-09T19:18:00.000+08:00

Today was PKA AGM. It was funny because it was so formal, that everyone had to speak in Malay, and everything was done according to what was being projected on the screen. PKA is never so formal anytime of the year except for the AGM. Well, what to do, this is what was required by the HEPP.

This is my third time attending AGM in PKA. First time, I was caught in shock that AGM was done in this manner and I was one of the new exco up there after the old exco board was dismissed. I still can remember the faces of the seniors back then, well, it was not so long ago after all. But you must also know that a lot of people had gone, and a lot of people have joined us in this big family. Second time, I was doing my part as the Secretary in the AGM and was up there again as part of the new exco board. Filled with anticipation and nervousness, seeing my seniors would be leaving after that, I was scared. I was so used to having seniors around me. Third time, which was today - as I stepped down and a new group of exco went up there, and when Esmond was giving his speech - tears were in my eyes, but I did not let them come down, in my heart, I said a prayer for everyone of them - the ones who are going to continue to run the race in USM, in PKA. These people are very dear to me, even though I may not know every one of them personally. Both out-going and in-coming president also said that there must be a purpose for PKA to exist in this campus, there must be a purpose for us to be here at this time at this place. If we were to loose it, our focus and drive will be taken away from us.

I see how God was in the picture, how God led PKA in the past and continue to lead PKA now. It is 3 years old now. I believe that God will continue to lead PKA in the future, too. Yesterday I had a dream, I dreamed that PKA is going to merge with another CF, and I was left in shock. But it caused me to think - I may not see what will happen to CF after I leave this campus, it may go through tough times, it may spring forth and continue to bless the campus, the number of member may increase, may decrease, etc.. But, no matter what will happen to CF, in CF, through CF, all things are in God's almighty hand. He'll never leave nor forsake us, as individual or CF as a whole.

Also, as I was talking with Su-Yen, something stood out for me - there is a season for everything, and for every season, there'll be different things - different people will create different dynamic, will create different picture in the CF.

There may be danger and storm that you might face, my dear brothers and sisters, but be strong in the Lord, for He is strong and He shall be your strength and fortress. And I know, I believe that all of you, all of us will grow to be better person in God and for God. This is what I know and believe in.

"Stand up, stand up for Jesus
ye soldiers of the cross;
lift high his royal banner,
it must not suffer loss.
From victory unto victory
his army shall he lead,
till every foe is vanquished,
and Christ is Lord indeed."

March on, my fellow comrades.

Mixed feelings come crashing on me

2007-02-02T22:24:00.000+08:00

I just got back my covenant card from NC '05. Reading the letter from Annette made me feel like crying. Ya, NC seems so far away. (Camp Cam seems as far, too) I still remember how I was touched by God and how He spoke to me in NC, how I took a 180 degree turn and start anew, how I was challenged to live for Him and honor Him with my life. But looking at where I am now, I really don't know how to gauge how much I've done for Him. I just feel so weak inside. What are happening nowadays teach me how to humble myself and turn to God. Only He can be my strength because I know that I can't take it anymore. I'm looking at Him and waiting upon Him. Still, I believe that I shall mount up with wings like eagles, and run and not be weary. Only if I wait upon the Lord. Only if I allow Him to take charge.

Also, I can't help myself but to keep counting my days left in campus. Writing this, I'm at the end of week 7. Coming will be week 8, then mid-semester break and CNY. When I come back to campus again, it'll be week 10 already, and I only left like 5/6 weeks in campus. Flashbacks on my very first time in USM keep coming back to me. First time sitting in the lecture hall, had my first lecture. And now, I know that I won't be seeing some of my lecturers teaching anymore. How many times more can I sit in the lecture halls and listen to lectures? During one my lecture, I was just sitting there and admiring my lecturer. Looking at her when she taught, what a sight! Sometimes when I was walking in the campus, thoughts and feelings will just come to me. Seeing the trees, the flowers, the buildings... these are the things that I can't bring on with me but I'll truly miss. I know I'm thinking too much, but this is really what I feel. I'll miss this campus so much! A place where I learned and grew so much. Now, I realise how this campus has protected us from the outside storms. I start to feel that the working world is a very scary place. This place is such a safe haven for all of us.

As for PKA, I know that it's time to pass on the baton to the juniors. Run, run for our dear Lord. Continue to make a difference in this campus. This CF has blessed me in many ways, and I'm sure that you'll be blessed, too. Don't complain that people do not talk to you, but come out from your comfort zone and start to care for others. It's only when we start to care and give ourselves, we'll be blessed and feel belonged. Don't complain that CF is not warm, but learn to play our part in it, we are the ones who determine whether or not it is warm or cold. There are so much more for everyone of us to learn. But we know that Christ is going before us, and He's been there. He shall be our encourager to shine on for Him.

I do not know how the graduated seniors felt before they left the campus. How I wish they can share their experiences with me. But I know that this is the path that I need to walk. And I shall fear not, because God is journeying on with me.

Anyone who is feeling like me, please raise your hands =) Sound quite blue today. But I guess this is part of the journey as well, to stop and reflect and re-focus.

:) What to put as a title?

2007-01-02T18:04:00.000+08:00

I don't want to make my post sound super depressing, but I'm feeling super depressed now. Is it wrong to believe in something that you don't actually know whether it's right or wrong? What does it mean to have wisdom and understanding? How do I define that I'm doing something with wisdom and not wrongly? This lesson is so hard to learn.

A woman's role in different aspects of life. She is to be a follower, a supporter, an encourager, a comforter. But how to carry out all this role with wisdom? How do you make sure you don't cross the line and take the lead?

Bible said Jesus is the head of the church, similarly, man is the head of the family. And woman are to submit to man as church submit to Christ.

May God bless me :)

More Updates

2006-12-28T10:33:00.000+08:00

Ya, I can't be joining MASUM this sem.
looking at my time table and work at hand,
i know that i don't have time for that
if i were to squeeze time out for training, say 4 times a week, and 2 hours per training,
i'll just gonna be like my 2nd year time
busy until i lost my head.

for final year project, we are going to pretend we're a translation agency
and receive translation projects.
we have 3 projects now, and for each project, we'll have a project manager to handle it and all the other person in charge, including editor, date reseacher, glosary keeper, etc.
i think it's gonna be interesting and challenging.
it's different from the assignments we did previously.

there'll be a Graduating Seniors CG in this sem
we'll meet for a total of 5 times
to discuss about topics that we might face in this transition period and also working world
money and time management, responsibility, challenges ahead, etc.
Swee Kit will be our facilitator for the discussion.

for interpreting course, we'll learn to use the equipment to do booth interpreting.
we'll need to practice whiper interpreting as well
so do make sure that i don't have bad breath
or else my lecturer will die of lack of oxygen! Haha!
I still prefer Dr Leelany with us, but this sem we have another lecturer
i find her quite unfriendly and .. know, her grammar has mistakes, too
ya, so, it's not that i have bias, but true enough, she's not as good as Dr. Leelany.
hope that Dr Leelany will not give birth so early, haha!
teach us at least until end of March, and that'll be good.

thanks to Anna and Angela, your friendship has added colours and meanings in my life
you wouldn't know how much you mean to me
Anna, our swimming lesson is still on, ok?
but do let me know before that la, haha!
don't be last minute ok? :)
got your swimming cap already?
Angela, thanks for sharing and listening.
chatting with you is nice.
guess we're of the same wave length

ok, that's all for now.

One Chapter Opens...

2006-12-19T16:02:00.000+08:00

The semester starts again
My last semester in USM
My last semester of study... if I don't continue to do master next time
After 2+6+5+2+3 years of studying
it will soon come to an end
As I close the last chapter of previous semester
the next chapter is opened up
Coming up will be Christmas, New Year, my birthday, sister comes back and Chinese New Year
huh, a lot of things happening, isn't it?
Taking 16 units this semester
4 subjects
2 of 100% coursework, another 50% coursework and 50% fianl exam, and yet another 30%, 70%
This semester will have MASUM
I'm still wondering if I want to join
I miss swimming and training so much
wouldn't have the chance to do so anymore if I miss this
But..
Joining training means I need to sacrifice some other things
time spent with people, study, and maybe leisure
ohh.. I need to write up my resume, too
Still haven't figured out how to write it
and also, don't know what do I want to do next time
Or rather
what God wants me to do
Promised to help out in the youth ministry
ya, need to discuss with the youths later about it

ya, I think that's all about it

Go! Operafest Children Choir

2006-12-16T23:01:00.000+08:00

Wow! A big hand to the Operafest Children Choir! *clap!* Second big hand to my good ji mui, Anna Ng who persuaded us to go to watch it! *clap!*

16122006, the Operafest Children Choir came to Penang FGA to perform. Their voices are like the angel's voice, so clear and high. singing and praising God. They sang about 10 songs. The voices harmonized well. This choir has been to different parts of the world, and they are rated as the 2nd best choir in the world.

After the performance, we (Su-Yen, Kian Mei, Sock Lee, Cheryl and I) were so excited and we tried to imitate their singing, to reach the high pitch and do the "ahh~~~` Oh~~~~". So funny! We also planned to sing at the pre-session for our PKA-ians. It's just so fun.

At first the 8-3-5 girls didn't want to go because they were too tired after walking for the whole afternoon in Queensbay Mall. But since I'm "supposed" to study persuasive rather than translation and interpretation, (haha!) I managed to "drag" them one by one to the concert. Glad that it was a good time and everyone really enjoyed it.

Besides, we had very delicious Thai food! *thumb's up!*

Quote from Christina Rossetti

2006-12-06T11:51:00.000+08:00

The constraints of godly love are beautifully expressed by Christina Rossetti:

Trust me, I have not earned your dear rebuke,-
I love, as you would have me, God the most;
would lose not Him, but you, must one be lost,
Nor with Lot's wife cast back a faithless look,
Unready to forego what I forsook;
This say I, having counted up the cost,
This, though I be the feeblest of God's host,
The sorriest sheep Christ shepherds with His crook.
Yet while I love my God the most, I deem
That I can never love you over-much;
I love Him more, so let me love you too;
Yea, as I apprehend it, love is such
I cannot love you if I love not Him,
I cannot love Him, if I love not you.

Thoughts While Reading "Passion and Purity"

2006-12-06T11:23:00.000+08:00

I'm reading a book, Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot. I guess a lot of people would have read this book before because it's a very famous book. I personally am touched, challenged and amazed by the book and the life she lived.

Elizabeth Elliot was Jim Elliot's wife. In this book, she talked about what she'd gone through when she was in love with him, especially in her spiritual walk with God, or rather, her relationship with God and also the struggles she experienced. She is a college student at that time, and she is very serious about God and loving God.

As I read the book, I start to examine myself and my relationship with God. Am I as serious as her when come to the issue of seeking God's will and pleasing God? Am I willing to sacrifice what I like and love unto God, and trust that He's able to use them according to His will? Am I having enough faith to wait patiently for God and to seek Him?

I really want to love God more, and do His will. I want to draw closer to Him, I want to live for Him. Too many a times I lose focus and strayed away from Him. When I think I'm safe, that's when I'm not safe. When I think I'm close to God, that's when I'm moving further and further away from Him. I really need to humble myself and let God break me again and again, in order to shape and mold me. When pride takes place, I would be blinded and think that I'm so good and do not need God anymore. It stops God's work in my life. When God's hand is not moving in my life, my life would be stagnant and there'll be no growth or improvement.

Jesus gave the parable of the seed falls into the dark earth and dies. Out of its death, comes multiplied life. As Saint Francis prayed, "It is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, it is in dying that we are born to eternal life." Such words with wisdom. Only people who have experienced it can say such a prayer. And I wish I can truly comprehend it as I live my life in God's light.

Mask-off

2006-11-07T21:50:00.000+08:00

Yes, I'm hurt. I feel pain and hurt inside me. Yet I still have to pretend to be normal and smile when I don't feel like it. Is it just because of my pms so feelings are getting on me? No, I don't really think so. This has been quite some time already, and God still doesn't want to bring me out of this. It's hard for me, really it's hard.

What did Jesus do when His disciples, or may I use the word, friends, betrayed Him?
He still loved them and prayed for them. He is so great, can take those feelings.

Was He not a human back then? Did he has no feelings?

No, I think He felt rejected and pain, too. Because He loves them so much, He felt even more hurt, I think.

Can I do just like what my Friend did? Ya, I wanted to pray for her, wanted things to be fine for her. I wish for the best, for her. But it's getting hard, it's getting really hard.
That day pastor talked about bitterness in church, settling issues with your brothers and sisters in Christ. Yes, I so wanted to. I tried. Though I didn't confront her upfrontly, but I tried. Small talks, showing my concern, etc.

But, ignorance was what I get in return.

It's getting really hard.

And I'm hurt.

You don't feel hurt when that person means nothing to you. But your heart is pierced when the person you care most hurt you, even maybe he/ she doesn't intend to do so. Maybe he/ she doesn't know that what they do actually affect you that much.

I was been told not to have expectations, just be there when she needs me. Ya, this is what I want to do. But it's still hard. I'm struggling with it.

I pray that we will come to a good settlement one day, and this one day will be soon. I hope I'll be brave enough to talk to her about it, if I really need to do so. Ah, I'm not that kind of person who will go and confront others, I don't know how to talk. Hopefully, hopefully.

I feel that I need to meet with expectations of others, though I don't really know what are the expectations. Ya, maybe just being a good girl, behave, cannot go crazy, must be gentle and caring, musn't have bad mood, etc etc. And I'm getting tired.

Sometimes, it's just... can't do it, can't meet the expectations. I hope for open communication between people, I hope that relationship between people is not so shallow, I hope that people will see me as their peers.

Was talking to a few friends these 2 days, one shared her struggles with me, another listened to my advice yet another gave me some advices. Ya, we live in a community, we need each other, we can't live without one another. And certainly support and encouragement from one another is very important for us. Still, I miss my seniors very much. Or maybe, I just miss the encouragement and supports given by them.

Girl, move on okay? God is with you.

Creating Ripples?

2006-11-07T10:16:00.000+08:00

I was at the pool side that day, before going to church.
was just staring at it.
Nobody was swimming there, the water is still..
Oops, not at all.
I realized that there were ripples.
where is the source that created such ripples?
and because no one was swimming there, the ripples spread throughout the pool water.
the thought of creating ripples- a challenge given to me at Camp Cameron '06
struck me again.
one semester has gone, how much have I done?
Have I lived a life which can honour God and reflect God's love?
I wish I could know what God thinks of me now
Would He say, "Well done, my good servant."?
Just wonder..
Another semester more to go, then off I go.
And a semester is just too short.
Wonder... wonder...
3 years of tertiary study

The Art of Leadership

2006-10-28T15:44:00.000+08:00

A GOOD LEADER IS ONE
- Who dare to make the first move
- Who is able to translate vision into reality
- Who is able to sense the winds of change, and points in the right direction.
- Who inspires and motivates his people
- Who develops people- ADDS
- Who develops leader- mutiplies!
- Who is able to keep cool under pressure
- Who is a MAN OF ACTIONS not just words
- Who gives HOPE to others
- Who appeal to the HEARTS of his people ot their minds
- Who is a MAN OF INTEGRITY

Leadership development is a life time journey.

I got this from a small card, after our exco meeting. It really speaks into my heart.
Yes, this is the guidance of becoming a leader, I really need to learn.
It's a life-time journey.
Not easy, but I want to learn.
To my EXCO members who happen drop by here,
Let's continue to work for God. Let's learn to be a good leader. Let's shine on!
TE, SM, SAN, EK, AD, KW, AN, SL, SN- my fellow pejuang of 06/07, take care and may we grow together in Christ.

Why God Created Woman from the Man's Rib?

2006-10-14T22:42:00.000+08:00

Curi dari Adelynne Ong's blog :)

It’s amazing how God made man, and so beautiful how he made woman! Why did God create Woman from Man’s rib, when He could have simply created her from dust, as He did Man? This is a story that puts a beautiful touch on the reasoning:

“When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being. When I created man, I formed him from the dust of the Earth and breathed life into his nostrils. But you, woman, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate. I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you. Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity. From one bone I fashioned you. I chose the bone that protects man’s life. I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do.”

“Around this one bone I shaped you. I modeled you. I created you perfectly and beautifully. Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile. You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart. His heart is the center of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life. The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart. Support man as the rib cage supports the body.”

“You were not taken from his feet, to be under him, nor were you taken from his head, to be above him. You were taken from his side, to stand beside him and be held close to his side. You are my perfect angel. You are my beautiful little girl. You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, and my eyes fill when I see the virtue in your heart. Your eyes: don’t change them. Your lips: how lovely when they part in prayer. Your nose so perfect in form, your hands so gentle to touch. I’ve caressed your face in your deepest sleep; I’ve held your heart close to mine. Of all that lives and breathes, you are the most like me.”

“Adam walked with me in the cool of the day and yet he was lonely. He could not see me or touch me. He could only feel me. So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me, I fashioned in you: my holiness, my strength, my purity, my love, my protection and support. You are special because you are the extensionof me.”

“Man represents my image, woman - my emotions. Together, you represent the totality of God. So man, treat woman well. Love her, respect her, for she is fragile. In hurting her, you hurt me. What you do to her, you do to me. In crushing her, you only damage your own heart, the heart of your Father and the heart of her Father. Woman, support man. In humility, show him the power of emotion I have given you. In gentle quietness show your strength. In love, show him that you are the rib that protects his inner self.”

From Dark to Bright

2006-10-12T07:11:00.000+08:00

It was so dark outside when I woke up this morning. It was 5.30am.
I couldn't see the building opposite my apartment.
When I looked out, I can only see darkness, covering the earth.

But in the house, there is this thing called "LIGHT".
So, it was not dark inside the house.
And I can still do my work.

It is so bright now. I didn't realize since when the darkness has passed and it's replaced by brightness.
It is 7.15am now.
I was facing my laptop since then and didn't realize the changes that took place outside
without informing me.

In the house, it is still bright.
Nothing has changed.
And I can still do my work.

Implication:
Though at times it seems so dark outside, but God is in our heart
His Light is always here.
To shine.
So that our whole being can be well and function as normal.
We'd not know when will He turn the darkness outside into brightness
cos He doesn't really inform us.
but, slowly
bit by bit
He changes it.

The darkness outside will be replaced by brightness
in it's time, or, in HIS time.
No matter how dark it is, soon the Light will shine and darkness will flee
Yet, the best part is,
there's always Light inside us.
there's always Hope inside us.
there's always Love inside us.

In Him I Trust

2006-10-12T06:02:00.000+08:00

Now is 5.50am, I'm awake from my dreamland for my assignment's sake.
In Him I trust-
that I'll be able to finish it and pass up today.

Yesterday was a total shock. I lost my words- advice? encouragement? assurance? or plain listening?
In Him I trust-
He will take charge and turn a coccun into a beautiful butterfly- in His time.

Wonder if it would last- for forever
In Him I trust-
Love will prevail, Love never fails.

Darkness, toils and snares, haunting thoughts.
In Him I trust-
that His Light will shine through the darkness and bring about hope and courage, wonders and miracles.

For my God is a faithful and loving God, a God who stays closer than a friend, a God who understands my heart and hears my cries, a God who knows all things and holds them in His mighty Hand, a God of no mistake, a God who is able to make broken into whole, a God who is gentle, a God whom in Him I can trust.

Chunks of thoughts

2006-10-09T10:09:00.000+08:00

What is grace?
Grace is something that is given by someone to another person who does not deserve it, without any condition, and he has nothing to offer to that person in return, and that he can only willingly receive and say "thanks". Grace is what a beggar receives when someone dumps in 1 cent to his mangkuk and gives him a smile. He doesn't not deserve it at all. But a gracious person willingly takes out 1 cent to give it to him.

Well, the 1 cent can be replaced by RM100, or if you want to say it, RM1 million. But no matter how big or small the amount of money is, it is still grace. Why? because the beggar doesn't deserve it.

Thanks to Jojo who willingly took me in and let me overnight at her nice place for 2 nights. Thanks for the love and hospitality. May God bless you.

Went to WORDilicious Inverstigator (WI), organized by FES (Fellowship of Evangelical Student) on the 7th of Oct. It was GOOD. The story of Ruth spoke to me about making a decision and keep to it, paying the cost to love others, not a low cost, but a high one; not a cheap love, but an expensive one. Got to see a lot of brothers and sisters from both NC '05 and Camp Cam '06. It was really good. Had reunion dinner with my D'Villa family at Nando's in MidValley and had some catching up with one another. Sorry Yin Yee, Eliz, Karen and others, didn't do announcemet in our Yahoo Group. Maybe I'll try next time, but no promise ya :)

This week is really loaded with work, I wonder how am I going to survive through it. Flew back from KL this morning, woke up at 3 something in the morning to catch the flight at 7am, reached Pg at 8am. Thanks to Sin Yee and Kah Wei who were so kind to come all the way to the Pg International Airport to fetch me back home. In 15 minutes more time, I'll need to go out and have 2 tests, first is oral interview, 20%, from 10.45am-11am, second is the interpreting final test, 25%, at 11.30am. I'm very scared of the 2nd test :( Come back home and do my tutorial homework which has to be passed up and presented in the tutorial later. Wed have to hand in one report, Thur another assignment which I haven't started, and a test on the same day, Fri another test which consists of 30% and finally Sat another test, 40%. God, I really need You to sustain me through this week. I put my trust in You. I really have to trust in You.

And to fail God is another bad thing. How could I? fail Him again and again? God, be patient with me and forgive me. I can only cling on to Your promises which say that You are gracious and faithful and loving and merciful. I need You. And I can't afford to loose You, I can't afford to not to have You in my life. I wanna be Your dear daughter. Help me to walk with You day by day. *Hugz*.

Ok, I shall go, or else I'll be late for the test.

Kena Sabo

2006-09-30T11:51:00.000+08:00

Kena Sabo!
1. full name: Ong Han-Yu
2. name backwards: uY-naH gnO
3. Were you named after someone: Nope.
4. meaning of name: In Mandarin means something like inner beauty as vast as the universe. great name kan? hard to achieve la
5. nickname: yuyu
6. screen name: yuyu
7. D.O.B: 7th January 1984
8. place of birth: Kota Tinggi, small town in Johor
9. nationality: Malaysian
10. current location: 8-6-5 Desa U
11. star sign: Carpricorn
12. religion: Christianity
13. height: 154cm, short eh? nvm, Papa gave one
14. weight: 44kg.
15. shoe size: 4/5, depends on the cutting.
16. hair colour: not very black though
17. eye colour: same as above
18. who do you look like: daddy
19. innie or outtie: innie? introvert is it?
20. leftie or rightie: campur
21. gay, straight, bi or others: straight. no doubt!
22. best friend :DEAR
23. best friend you trust most: DEAR
24. favourite pals: different ppl for different issues..
25. best friend of opposite sex: well, used to have, but as we grow older, it seems like different sex can't be best friend
26. best buddies: Jun Sze
27. boyfriend or girlfriend: you guess :)
28. crush: nope, i don't believe in this
29. parents: ya, they are themselves
30. worst enemy: nope
31. favourite online guy: aun
32. favourite online girl: jun sze
33. craziest friend: don't think i have, my friends are all sane, haha!
34. advice friend: church friends, church leaders, a lot more la.
36. person you cry with: DEAR
37. any sisters: 1, younger
38. any brothers: 1, elder
39. any pets: Annie (ha, in-house joke)
40. any disease: nope
41. pagers: haha! no
42. personal phone line: of course! how to live without a phone?
43. cell phone: Motorola L6, want my number? no way!
45. pool or hot tub: pool, i miss swimming so so much.. :(
46. a car: yess, thanks to papa & mama, without it i'm dead
47. your personality: get to know me and find it out yourself
48. driving: yes, quite a skilled one. haha!
49. room: nice room with 2 roomies
50. whats missing: time
51. school: USM, School of Humanities
52. bed colour: colour that i like for my bed :)
53. relationship with parents: ok ar
54. believe in yourself: i believe in what is right
55. believe in love at first sight: definitely not
56. good listener: ya, i think so.
57. get along well with parents: so so lo, depends
58. save email conversations: email conversation? msn conversation ada
59. pray: i'd rather use the word "talk"
60. believe in reincarnation: what's that?
61. make fun of people: nope, i'm a boring person
62. like to talk on the phone: ya
63. want to get married: of course i do
64. like to drive: sometimes, + if i dun need to worry about the petrol price :)
65. motion sickness: nope
66. eat stem of broccoli: yes
67. eat chicken with fork: depends, how to eat KFC chicken with fork? i'm not good in it
68. dream in colour: ya, a bor?
69. type with your fingers on home role: ya, i use every finger to type. ppl say my fingers are dancing on the keyboard when i type
70. sleep with stuff animals: no more
71. next to you: you mean on my bed? ha, my big pillow
72. on the walls of your room: yet to put up things on the walls.
73. on your mousepad: no mouse pad la, out dated stuff :p
74. dream car: dare not dream of any...
75. dream date: secret
76. dream honeymoon spot: Mauritius?
77. dream husband or wife: DEAR knows, you go and ask Him ok?
78. bedtime: hmm. i think i'm the earliest who go to bed in 8-6-5
79. under your bed: nothing.
80. single most important question: who am i?
81. bad time of a day: no specific one...
82. Your worst fear: haven't thought about it
83. the weather is: not sunny, not rainy, not windy.
84. time: 12:20pm, stupid me doing this
85. date: 30 September 2006, wow, time passes so fast!
86. Best trick did on someone: I dont trick people, only tease.
87. theme song: different seasons different songs, used to have "Heart of Worship, Lord, I give You my Life, Potter's Hand, etc"
88. hardest thing about growing up: the challenges that i need to face
89. funniest experience: cannot remember.
90. scariest experience: nightmares.
91. silliest thing you have ever said: maybe you can ask my exco friends, they always laugh at me.
92. scariest thing while you are with your friends: That they'll throw me into the pool, like they did once.
93. worst feeling: driving without destination
94. best feeling in the world: to stand in awe of God
95. AND NOW THE SABOTAGING BEGINS!!! CHOOSE 8 TO DO THE QUIZ!!!
let's see,
angela,
aun,
adelynne,
jun sze,
scott.

manis~ manis~

2006-09-28T12:40:00.000+08:00

"Han, qi shen lo!"
breakfast is ready on the table- be it biscuit and Milo, or egg with ham, anything is good.
go to Papa together in prayer.
give thanks for the food.
praise God together.
Back from late night meetings and am welcomed by warm greetings.
stand in the rain and heart fills with songs of praise.
"Home sweet home calling".
big pillow on my right hand side.
"Do you wanna ta pao dinner?"
type sms, but it's not for sending, just to show it to each other by sticking the phone to the
window.
hand-made cards.
b_ _b_ _, b_b_. (what is this? hehe :) )
mountain, blue sky, bird chirps, flowers, morning dew, fountain...

My story

2006-09-26T11:52:00.000+08:00

Well, I've had a really wonderful weekend. Taking time off my daily activities - assignments, tests and presentations, I went down to KL and looked for Aun. Never expected I'd gained so much from this trip. Not only we being able to spend some time together, talking, praying and enjoying the company of each other, but God has truly spoken into my life.

Being in a long distance relationship is not at all easy. Moreover, both of us are so busy with our own studies and commitment. So, we literally put almost everything aside to arrange for this meet-up though I still stole some time to do my things when I was there. :)

Aun was late to come and fetch me when I reached there. I was quite angry with him because of that. But God spoke to me through a book, He said, "love is patient, love is kind. Why get angry over small things?" So, I chose another way of responding to this situation. Put my anger aside, I chose to forgive and gave him a smile. Well, it really turned things over.

Went to watch the footstool players on Sat night, the play "Walk His trail" that presented the lives of 5 missionaries, Jim Elliot and friends, and their wives really touched my heart. God challenged me, "Look at the lives of these people, what are you going to do with your life?".

Yes, true enough that I'm reaching the crossroad of my life. I'll be graduating real soon. Another one semester more to go, and then I'll need to step into a different world. Where am I heading to then? Well, It's has been a real worry-free 2 and a half years now. I need not worry about where should I go, what should I do. All I need to do is just study and serve God in CF and church, carrying out His mission/ purpose for me here in this campus.

I thank Him for leading me to USM after my STPM, after so much of worries and doubts. USM, translation and interpretation were not in my mind at all. I'd always wanted to do something else. But God told me to "trust & obey Me, and I'll make you prosper. I have a plan for you, a plan that is far better than yours. Just go and be an Enzyme there, create ripples in the place where I place you."

However, Uni life will soon come to an end. So soon. so soon... I can still remember very clearly my first week in campus, when I said goodbye to my parents and Liang and they left in front of Desa Indah Kembara. Tears were in my eyes, but I refused to let them get free from there. I tried to be strong, not wanting to let others, or myself see that I'm weak. Yes, since then I am a university student already. A university student who have struggled through the STPM and all the misery days of sitting in front of the table for more than 15 hours a day. The hiding under my table and the silent cries; the breakdowns I've went through and the nights I couldn't study at all. The phobia I had for exams. The disappointment I had for myself when I received my result. The KTM ride with no destination, with tears running down my cheeks. The shock and unbelievable feelings when Ken Wai told me the course I was given. The smses I sent to so many friends and pastors, asking them for their views. The most significant sms from my mui mui, saying that 3 simple words "Trust and Obey". The wrestling session with God, telling Him that I don't want to simply say that I trust Him yet it was just lips service and unable to fully surrender to Him. And finally the 2.30am of that day, my prayer of commiting all things to God.

And here I am, in USM, finding my strength in God, walking closer to Him day by day, realising my worth again as a woman and a student, serving Him with joy in my heart.

First year, I found myself again, through swimming- my favourite sport and other activities. Having freedom at that time was really great! I could choose the way I spend my time and not being restricted anymore. I love studying again. I realized that I'm not as stupid as I think, just that science is really not my cup of tea. I enjoy learning language :) and doing assignments.

Second year, the struggles I faced and the many times I failed God and failed myself. He picked me up again and showed me His grace and mercy. He turned my mourning into dancing and drew me closer to Him. My faith in God increased by leaps and bounds. I know Him and has experienced Him. His hands carried me through the darkest valley of life. And the person whom I thank so much though he hurt me so deeply.

I still remember the times I drove out without destinations, screaming and crying myself out due to the pain I was experiencing. And I doubted would I ever get over it, will I be healed and make whole again. And yes, God has shown Himself to me; faithful and merciful, gracious and loving. A God who listens to my deepest cry and cares. Washed me clean and made me whole AGAIN. He put the broken pieces of my heart back together, and mended it with His love. National Conference '06, the turning point of my life. Reminded of my promise to Him, to serve Him with all my life.

And here I am, in my third year of Uni life. I am free to love and be loved again. I'm learning to give myself and be more gracious. "Strength in Weakness", a book which speaks into my heart and helps me to come out from my coccon. Forced me to face my problem and hurt and freed me to start giving and feeling again. Our CF theme, "Grace Uncompromised" really challenged me to live a different life, a life that experiences grace and extends grace.

Life has not been as good before. Spiritually, emotionally and physically, I've learned and grew much than I've expected. Above all, I praise God!

As I experience being loved and love, I get to know God's wonderful plan. He is a wonderful and perfect God, isn't He? He has created all things in great manner and all things are perfectly put together for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28). If it's not of my broken-stained-stink past, I'd not be who I am today. Ya, learn things the hard way, but they stay.

So, the ultimate purpose of my life is to live for God, to please Him and honor Him.

Of course, there are still weaknesses in me, I'm still a person with much flaws. But God has given a new insight to me. Thank You, Lord.

Dalam BM

2006-09-19T10:11:00.000+08:00

Adakah ini caranya untuk memperbaiki bahasa saya?
Cuba memikir dalam BM? bercakap dengan diri dalam BM? berdoa dalam BM?
Amat kecewa terhadap seorang perempuan yang bernama Ong Han-Yu.
Kenapa dia tidak boleh menginterpretasi dengan lancar?
Tak nak dengar pita rakaman dia pun.
Dr. Leelany juga menggelengkan kepala melihat pelajar beliau.
Tak guna langsung. Kata nak jadi apa, penterjemah lagi?! Jangan bermimpi, ini tidak akan jadi realiti.
Saya sedang berlari, tetapi saya tidak bertenaga. Ingin mengejar mimpi, tetapi ia terlalu jauh...
Berlari... berlari.
Ini bukan 1500m, ataupun 800m. Ini beberapa ratus km. Saya tak mampu...
Dah tak ada masa, apa yang boleh saya buat untuk mengejar mimpiku?
Dulu pelatih saya tidak pernah melatih saya untuk lumba yang begitu panjang, siapa boleh tolong saya sekarang?
Adakah sesiapa yang boleh memahami saya sekarang? Sesiapa yang boleh faham, tolonglah angkat tangan dan datang.
Perjalanan yang sunyi dan sepi
Tiada orang di depan, tiada orang di belakang. Melalui semak kehidupan bersendirian.
Hanya seorang gergasi, yang tidak akan goyah. Dia bersama saya, sepanjang jalan ini.
Dia faham setiap tangisan saya.
Gergasi saya, bawalah saya melalui jalan ini dan berterbang tinggi bersama Kau.

PKA - My dear CF

2006-09-15T21:40:00.000+08:00

I cried.
for my CF.
After reading the old mails from a friend in CF. A mail that was in my inbox for 2 years plus yet I didn't read it until just now, 8.30pm 15/9/2006.
A mail that reminds me of what we've gone through in CF in our first year. Those were the days, those were the people, and those were our memories.
Seasons come and go, people enter our world and leave. And what was passed cannot be redeemed. Combined Christmas 2004, choir, Florence and the gang, "Kiss the wall" in particular, PKA first Family Camp, Che Foo Methodist Center, Love Factor, etc.
CF, my dear one. How are you now? Attendance dropped.
Different people, different combination.
Where am I heading? What am I doing? What can I do?
Business has blinded us. Is it? Our days are pre-occupied by tests, assignments, group discussions, presentations... endless of activities.
Is there anytime for anyone?
Anyone else will invest his/ her time in someone, that may result in nothing that eyes can see now but can be seen beyond our imagination?
What is God trying to tell me? God, what is it?
God, how are You feeling now?
What do You think?
God, I want to serve You, and I want to serve Your people,
but again and again, I feel that I've failed You.
Lord, humble me, and make me a servant of Yours.
Teach me, Dear Lord, to live my life through Your eyes.
And, with the eyes of faith, I will see Your Kingdom be expanded in this campus through grace extended by our dear PKAians.
May Your Kingdom comes, may Your will be done in us. Amen, amen.

Updates

2006-09-14T19:20:00.000+08:00

- 1st time sharing the gospel to a friend, i mean really share
- busy with assignments, presentation and tests
- sleeping lesser and lesser
- makan-ing out with friends
- just cooked a meal after, say 1 month didn't really cook for dinner, need to recall how to cook in the beginning.
- starting to read more - need to know more things - Dr. Leelany
- wearing formal to class almost everyday, others ask, "Why do you need to wear so formal and nice to class?"
- long time didn't update my blog
- going for Wordilicious, 7/10/06 - celebration for Word
- got to know a Japanese girl, Kie from Tokyo in my pronunciation class.
- went to Kek Lok Si on Monday while everyone was attending lectures. so fun!
- PKA Movie Night is coming up soon - Pay It Forward, 19/9, 7.30pm - 9.30pm
- meeting with grandma for supper on next Mon, hurray!!
- etc etc etc

Unanswered

2006-09-04T09:54:00.000+08:00

Why am I paralysed because of this?
Am I making this my idol?
Am I still putting God first in every area of my life?
What has gone wrong?
How to correct it?
How can it be so powerful?
How to formulate a better one?
Is there a way?
What has happened in the process that I might to be too insensitive or blinded that I didn't see?
What to do?
Am I wrong?
Am I right?
Is there a right and a wrong?
What is right?
And what is wrong?
Who can answer me?

Reminder

2006-08-24T17:19:00.000+08:00

I was reminded that worshipping God is not only by singing or giving our voice to Him, not just by playing the piano or guitar. Yesterday, my morning class was cancalled. So I slowly took my breakfast and had a good time talking to God. I'm so grateful that God has put everything in place, even as certain things don't seem so right, but knowing that God is an all-knowing God and He makes no mistake gives me the courage to put my trust in Him and have faith in His ways. After my breakfast, I cleaned up the messy kitchen- washed the sink thoroughly, mopped the floor by hands and not by mop because the stains on the floor cannot be cleared by just using the mop, cleaned the other areas of the kitchen and threw away some rubbish. As I was doing these, I realized that serving is really an act of service to God. I was worshipping God by giving my little offering to Him. As I served my housemates in this way, my love for them and for the house increased. As I was putting in my effort and energy in it, I feel more belonged. And I understand that God said "whoever wants to be a master, he must first be a servant to others." It's such a statement with wisdom.

As I continue to experience God in various aspects of my life, I come to know that He is really a God with great wisdom. His word is filled with wisdom. If I were to follow His commands, I'll definitely be edified and enjoy a fruitful life. I'll be drawn closer and closer to Him, and I'll surely enjoy the intimate communion with Him more and more daily. He's beautiful beyond description, wonderful and awesome; friendly and kind; gentle and faithful. How great is our God! He is worthy of all praise!

Lord, bring me to greater heights, together with You. Help me to soar with You, on eagle's wing. Through the mountains and valleys, You see me through, You carry me. At the storms of life, You hide me under Your wings. My faith is strengthen day by day, with You fulfilling Your promises to me. There's no God like You. How blessed I am to have You in my life. I raise my voices in praises unto You. I lift my hands to honour You. I want to testify Your greatness through my life.

Thank You Father, my dear one.
Thank You Jesus, my great friend.
Thank You Holy Spirit, my help and my reminder.

Psalm 139:1-18

2006-08-23T21:30:00.000+08:00

O Lord, You have searched me and You know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
You perceive my going out and my lying down;
You are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue You know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in- behind and before;
You have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from You Spirit?
Where can I flee from Your presence?
If I make my bed in the depths, You are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there Your hand will guide me,
You right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to You;
the night will shine like the day,
for the darkness is as light to You.
For You created my inmost beingl
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from You
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in Your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with You.

Convo- It's all about the people

2006-08-21T08:33:00.000+08:00

USM convocation has come and gone. It was from 15-20th of Aug. As usual, PKA members celebrated for our graduating seniors. There are 28 seniors graduating this year. Quite a lot huh?! Each sessions had a different number of seniors graduating, some sessions had more, some sessions only had a few. Thank God for the good weather that He had provided except for Lorraine Fidelis' session and mama Kathleen's session. These 2 sessions were raining heavily and it were rather hard to celebrate for them.

With banner up, we shouted for our seniors and everyone were busy giving out gift and taking pictures with our beloved seniors. And what is more encouraging is that some seniors who are working in outstations like KL and JB actually took the initiative to come back to attend their juniors' convocation. I was truly inspired by their love for the CF and the people in the CF.

At the last session of the convocation, we dedicated a song "Find Us Faithful" to our seniors. I printed out the lyrics and gathered the members to sing for our seniors in front of the public. And it was such an amazing thing because at first I thought a lot of people may not know how to sing as we only mimed it in our farewell night every year, but as we opened our mouth and sang, the voice was so great and it was really a touching moment. I glanced at all my seniors who were standing in front of us, one by one. These people has really touched my life personally. They have left a legacy behind for me to follow. Their lives have inspired me to obey and the fire of their devotion have light my way. And I see that they are faithful enough to follow God's way and invest their time and energy in people's lives. I'm so blessed to be surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses. I'm encouraged to live my life through His eyes, too, running the race not only for the prize.

Seniors who have touched my life in various ways in this 2 1/2 year of my university life are Rosalind, Grace Oo, Esther Siew, Yong Syn, Florence, Yu Pei, Joshua Hooi, Samuel Choong, and Scott Kor. Things that they have shown me has brought me to greater heights and helped me to continue to walk with God. I see how they struggled through their problems and how they clung on to God, found strength in Him and moved forward. And I want to learn from them.

I came to realize that I only have another 1 1/2 semester in campus and to serve God in the CF. It's really a short time, really. Time will just whizz past if I don't grab it and spend it wisely. Why God put me in this campus? in this CF? in this EXCO? Good questions to be asked. I'm sure that He has a purpose for me here in this place. I had never thought that I'll study translation and interpretation. I'd always thought that I'd do something regarding medicine or health sciences and to dedicate my life to the needies. But God sent me here and I've come with one phrase in mind - trust and obey. So if I were to trust and obey God in coming to USM, it surely includes trust and obey Him in what He wants me to do in PKA and in campus. I shall follow Him faithfully and let Him change my life, shape me and mould me according to His will. I am the clay and He is the Potter. Take my life and let it be.

Press On

2006-08-16T13:07:00.000+08:00

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has caled me heavenward in Chirst Jesus

Philippians 3:14

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and charater strenghtens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love.

Romans 5:3-5

But I really pray that Papa will show you how BEAUTIFUL you are, inspite of your brokenness. When God comes, He doesn't work with our agenda,... He lovingly puts our pieces together IN HIS TIME.

-Grandma Annette

Always have a dream, keep pressing towards the prize, release the past, embrace tomorrow, let your spirit rise.

Rebecca Barlow Jordan

Seminar On "Second Coming"

2006-08-13T21:02:00.000+08:00

When is the second coming of Jesus Christ?
What will happen before the second coming of Christ?
What will happen when Christ comes again?
What should we do or how can we prepare ourselves for this?

A seminar on "Second Coming" will be held

Details:

Date: 8/9 (8.30pm) & 9/9 (whole day)
Venue: Bayan Baru Methodist Church
Speaker: Dr. Tan Kim Huat (fr Trinity Theological College, Singapore)
Registration Fees: RM20 (including 2 tea breaks)

Whoever are interested, kindly contact Han-Yu at 012-6863374

P/s: Dr. Tan Kim Huat is someone who has done much researches on the book of Revelation. It's such a pleasure to have him with us this time to expound on this topic. The end time is near, so do grab this chance to get to know more about the second coming of Jesus Christ!

Find Us Faithful

2006-08-12T21:19:00.000+08:00

We're pilgrims on the journey
Of the narrow road
And those who've gone before us line the way
Cheering on the faithful,
encouraging the weary
Their lives a stirring testament to God's sustaining grace

Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who've gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness passed on through godly lives

CHORUS:

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift through all we've left behind
May the clues that they discover and the memories they uncover
Become the light that leads them to the road we each must find

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful

by Steven Green

Covered

2006-08-12T00:20:00.000+08:00

We are covered by the promises of His love.

Be still and know that I am God

2006-08-05T20:35:00.000+08:00

Past the garden of beauty, I journey on. There were beautiful flowers, pretty insects and tall trees in the garden. The scenery was so beautiful there. God is amazing in creating all these beautiful things. I was deeply immersed in the beauty of it.

Then I go on with the journey. Now, there are thorny bushes here and the road is narrowed. Mud is everywhere and I can slip down very easily. I must hold my Papa's hand more tighly. Or else I'll just fall down before I know when. I need to use so much energy to walk now and must be careful in every steps that I take so that I will not accidentally step into any mud-trap. I feel exhausted and thirsty. The water bottle I brought along is almost empty by now and I can't see a place to refill it. Papa told me that there's one somewhere 15 minutes away. So, I need to walk a little bit more before I can quench my thirst. I can see from here there's another place with rainbow, it's not too far away. Ya, not too far from here, cos I can see it already.

But, I'm a bit tired now. And there were a few times when I slipped over and nearly sprain my ankle. I'm scared. Papa is encouraging me now. "Girl, I'm here. Let's take another step, don't stop now. We need to go and get water." Ya, I need to go on. Papa told me that as soon as I pass this part of the journey, there are more beautiful things await me in front. I'll be more delightful if I can survive through this past of the journey and enter the garden with rainbow. And surely my legs will become stronger and can walk further in the future. And I can learn to be more careful not to fall down so easily next time.

It's so important for me to go on without giving up. Papa said that if I give up now, it will be harder for me to start the journey again. And I believe what He said is true. I'm putting my hope in Him, trusting that whatever He says is true. And being His daugther, I want to be strong and take courage.

Papa, I entrust it all to You

Here's a song that stays with me since CC'06:

"Hide me now, under Your wings,
cover me, within Your mighty hands

when the ocean rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with you above the storm,
Father, You are King over the flood,
I will be still
and know You are God.

Find rest my soul in Christ alone
know His power in quietness and trust

when the ocean rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with You above the storm,
Father, You are King over the flood,
I will be still
and know You are God."

Interpreting?!

2006-08-03T17:45:00.000+08:00

Wow, it's really a great challenge. I was completely lost when I need to do the consecutive interpreting. Consecutive interpreting, to put it in other words mean continuous interpreting. We were required to interpret after listening to the text. Super tough man! So many things are mentioned at once and I can't remember every single thing that is being said. And I couldn't find suitable words to interpret because I was just TOO NERVOUS!! I need more, more, more practices!! I wonder how and what can I do to improve myself. I want to be an interpreter. Can I achieve my dream?

It's not just about being good in languages, but I need to be knowledgable, too. It's really a long, long way to go. There are so many things that I yet to know, so many things that I yet to learn, from where shall I start?

Girl, take heart and "step by step, you will get there."

When God is in the picture

2006-07-31T20:18:00.000+08:00

How good and beautiful it is when God is in the picture. Though there was a small conflict before our food came while we were eating in caffe 1920, yet we were still able to pray together for the food and fellowship over the dinner. And when God is in the picture, there is a focus point. There's a direction to head for.

When two are able to come before God in prayer, it is the most beautiful picture. Despite of the ice between us before the food came, you held my hands and whispered a prayer. I guessed this struck the waitress very much. With hands held tightly, hearts were join together in prayer.

I thank my Papa for giving me the chance to learn to love, to step out and to be challenged. I thank Papa for you, for you've shown me beautiful and great things in life, things that are worth to live for -- love

Final Year

2006-07-25T13:28:00.000+08:00

It's my final year in university. So FAST!!
Memories of my first year were still fresh, I still can remember I went to my first class, first met my lecturers, fought my way to get on the shuttle bus, got lost for nearly an hour in campus just to find my way to the swimming pool, ran up and down the desa hill, joined life guard corps, being pampered by senior life guards and CF members, etc.
And now, I'm in my final year. Unbelievable.

2 years in university, and I've learned a lot. Not just about studies, but about life and its lessons. About God and His goodness. About myself and my weaknesses.

A challenging year~ live it to its fullest.

Though I'm weak and poor

2006-07-25T13:15:00.000+08:00

I think i'm getting old. Ya, I'm really getting old. I get tired more easily and I need more rest than ever. I just don't understand why. Hehe, how I wish I'm a supoerwoman who will never get tired and can be energetic at all times.

And yet, it is in this kind of situation I start to learn that I need to find strength in Him. "Grant me a good rest and let me have the strength to start anew in the next morning." is my prayer every night before I close my eyes.

And "though I'm weak and poor, all I have is Yours, every single breath.", yes , this is my theme song now.

28062006

2006-06-29T14:50:00.000+08:00

28th of June 2006, a date to remember. It is the day which I finally decided not to cling on to my past so tightly but let it go, a day which I chose to take a big step in front, not staying back in my comfort zone, and a day which I chose to start anew and let God have His way in me.
In the morning, I realized that I’ve kept reminding myself about the hurt and pain I had in my life but not willing to let go of them. I was just self-pitying all this while but did not take the effort to do something. Then I knew that I need to step out and really let go.

In the past one month, I had tried taking tiny steps in front, learning to open up myself again. A person who did not really feel began to feel again. It was scary in the beginning. I was so scare to be vulnerable. But, isn’t it the way God designed us to be? To love, to care and to give ourselves freely to others? Knowing that to love means to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, that whoever that we love will be able to hurt us really scared me. Not wanting to give myself or take the risk of being hurt again was my stand in the past. I was selfish.

But, look, God has done a great job in my life. He has me opened up again by giving me the chance to learn this lesson. He will never let me go until I’ve learned my lesson. Though I was avoiding it in the past, asking God to give me more time in dealing with this issue, but I think God insisted that I shall not run away from my problem.

So, here I am, standing bold in front of God, letting Him to be in control of the whole situation and my whole life, learning to trust and obey Him wherever He might lead. And I shall live a life that truly honours Him. I believe that if God brings me to it, He will bring me through it. I shall look upon Him at all times.

This shall be my song:

Shepherd of my soul,
I give You full control
Wherever You may lead
I will follow
I have made the choice
To listen for Your voice
Wherever You may lead
I will go

Be it in a quiet pasture
Or by a gentle stream
The Shepherd of my soul
Is by my side
Should I face the mighty mountain
Or a valley dark and deep
The Shepherd of my soul will be my guide.

“Girl, be strong and of good courage. Do not be afraid for I am with you.”

Love

2006-06-20T21:46:00.000+08:00

Love is patient
Love is kind
It does not envy
It does not boast
It is not rude
It is not self-seeking
It is not easily angered
It keeps no record of wrongs
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects
always trust
always hopes
always perseveres

Love never fails.

Leave home

2006-06-20T09:09:00.000+08:00

As much as I want to stay at home and enjoy being at home, I still have to go back to the place where I have to be - Penang. Everything is packed. I'm bringing 3 bags altogether, my laptop, a backpack and a plastic bag of other stuff grabbed from home. I came back with only a laptop, but going back with 3 bags, and a heart loaded with love and care from papa and mama.

I don't wish to go back. But I can't. I've already threw my air ticket away, I can't waste my bus ticket some more. This is the first time I leave home with a heavy heart. Is it because as I grow older, my heart draws closer to home? Or is it because I've wondered out there for too long and my heart and my whole self is feeling tired and burned out, and that's why I wish to hide at home and choose not to go back to the reality?

Both papa and mama are not in. They are out for work, left home early in the morning before I woke up. I didn't get to say "bye" to them before I leave home for another 2 months plus. How come I couldn't wake up in the morning before they left?

All that I can do is to keep them in my prayers. Pray that mama will get well soon and have a healthy body and enjoy her work, while for papa is to stay healthy and continue to support the family in various ways.

I love you, papa & mama. Thanks you so much for being my dear parents.

Speak to me... pls

2006-06-19T22:45:00.000+08:00

Lord,
speak to me and I want to hear You.
The cloud of confusion is too thick and I can't see through it.
I need to hear You and know Your will.
And I'll trust and obey You.
But
why are You so silent?
Or is it because I'm pekak?
Pls lead me out from this cloud of confusion
Explain to me things that I can't understand.
Thank You, may Your will be done in me
In Jesus name,
Amen

KL One Day Trip

2006-06-19T19:25:00.000+08:00

I came back home for the Fathers' weekend, booked the air ticket to fly back to Penang on Sunday 1.40pm. Too bad that the time at home is just too short. So, i dumped the ticket into the rubbish bin and decided to stay for 2 more days. I applied for 2 days leave and stay at home as a 'housewife'.

Today, I went to KL and looked for 2 friends, then ended up seeing 3 friends. How lucky was I. Wan Leei, my long lost friend, whom once I was very close to, but as we grew up and stopped writing to each other, we lost contact. But she is still having an important place in my heart because she is one of the sister who guided me through in my teens. Getting married. Wow! I'm so happy for her. We didn't really contact for more than 2 years, and it was really good that my another friend whom i was meeting up for breakfast took me to SS2 for breakfast, and i recognized that it is the place where she stays. Thanks, Ji Aun, helped me to meet up with a friend whom I really wish to meet for years.

Then I went to Mid Valley to meet up with another friend, a church friend now. I saw her in church yesterday, but too bad that we only got to talk for less than 10 sentences. As i decided not to go back early, so I met her up to do some catch up.

Mid Valley KTM station - how should I describe this place? Hmm.. a lot of cars on the road beside the station. :) That's something I observed when I could only stare into the empty. People are concern with their own thing and no one will ever set their eyes on you. Good in the sense that I'm free to deal with my own stuff.

It was hard for me to drag myself to the train when it finally came. So hard to leave this place. One day is just too short to meet up with old friends, especially for me who seldom come to my hometown. There are so many things which I need to leave behind. Penang, how long more will I be there? one year? or more? Will I stay there to work? Only God knows. Somehow, I wish to be working in somewhere closer to home, a place where my heart belongs. So, will KL be my next destination?

Some Thoughts

2006-06-05T19:47:00.000+08:00

As the number of days added to your life
As you experienced more and more about life
- successes or failures; laughter or tears; peak or valley,
You slowly pick up the responsibility of life
Responsibility that once you thought that it’s the matter of adults.

Can you still remember your childhood?
Where once you had various kinds of dreams?
Where once days are only sunny days?
Rain did come, but it went away so fast,
That you can hardly remember that you cried over certain things?
Life was simple then, no worries, no heartache, no bitter experiences.

You dared to dream
Cos you had the courage to dream
And the reason to dream.
You were daring in making decisions
Cos you didn’t need to bear such responsibility
And there were actually not much of responsibility that you can bear.
Of course,
You dared to love, too
Cos you believed in beautiful things
And the world is beautiful and lovely for you.

But,
As you grow older
You just didn’t notice that life had has it chain on you
It hooked on you
On your shoulder.

Upon your shoulder
The responsibility is heavier and heavier each day
The colourful bubbles of dreams
Slowly burst…
One by one
With or without you noticing it.
You may noticed the change
In the way of your thinking
Cos it brought much difference for you
Or
You may not even noticed that you’ve change
Cos may be you were just too busy
To notice it.

To dream,
To hope,
To take risk
To even smile at the storm
Has become something really hard.

One day,
You may encounter someone
Who reminds you about your childhood or teenage years
A person with dreams
A person who dares to speak out loud
Or
A person who dares to be vulnerable

Then
You realized that
You are not young anymore
And you find the shadow of you in the person
The shadow that once
Dare to

Life
And
Its experiences

First day at work

2006-06-05T19:42:00.000+08:00

Well, today is my first day at work. For those who don’t know where am I working, I’m working in the High Court in Penang, which mean that I’m assigned to a court, then I just follow the interpreters to go into the court when there’s a case.

For this week, it is the week of High Court vacation, so there are not many cases being heard. A lot of the judges are away for vacation. So, basically I’m very free here. Moreover, I don’t need to do anything here since there is no one to supervise me. What I need to do is to go into the court and listen and observe how they run the proceedings and do the interpreting only. Quite an easy job, huh?

There are 4 High Courts here and a few Section Courts and Majistret Courts. According to a law students from UM, Hor Kee whom I met here, he said that High Court is quite different from the Section Courts and Majistret Court in the way they run the proceedings. Well, I still yet to find out what is the differences since I haven’t been to the lower courts yet. Today there are no cases in the lower court as well.

The interpreters’ room is just beside the court. So, we can go into the court easily. In the court, we must be in formal attire – black coat, long-sleeves white top and black dress or slacks.

So, when the court starts, the person-in-charged will ring the bell, and the judge will come in (with the lawyers, interpreters and the parties involved in the case in the court) and we’ll all bow. Then the interpreters will pass the file to the judge and read out the case that is being heard. And the lawyer in-charged will stand up and present his/ her case.

The court that I’m assigned to mainly deal with the civil cases. Today there were 3 cases only. So, all three lawyers for the cases were there at the same time and wait for their case.

After the cases, I was able to talk to the judge. Well, it was a whole new experience. I’ve never thought that I’ll have a chance to talk to a judge face to face. For me, a judge is someone who is of high ranking and he’s always high up there. But to actually sit down and talked to him personally, whoa, that was something exciting!

Hmm… that’s all for now. First day of work, quite free but exciting, a wonderful experience.

Alone...

2006-06-03T22:20:00.000+08:00

Staying alone
in a new house
no one is at home
should it be called a home

Staying back in Penang
because i'm placed here
for my industrial training
What lies ahead
I have no idea

I'm gonna
meet all kinds of people
I'm gonna
face all kinds of challenges
I'm gonna
be exposed to different law cases
cos I'm gonna work in the court

Am I excited?
Ya, i suppose
I've never
worked in a court before
I tried
a restaurant
a school
a shop
an office
so now is the time
for
a court

I'm going there
alone

In the beginning...

2006-06-02T14:32:00.000+08:00

In the beginning...
I thought of blogging since last year, but too bad I was a little too lazy and to access to the internet was a little too troublesome for me. However, I believe that this will be a new beginning. I shall not leave my youth blank by not writing down any notes about it.
Here in goes...es,
Well, I just came back from a 3 week camp, Camp Cameron was its name. And yes, it was in Cameron. The camp site was at a place called the Lakeview, but there is no more lake there due to construction work. There were altogether 80 campers and about 20 staffs. We were divided into families and each family consists of grandparents, papa, mama, uncle, aunt and grandchildren.
Hmm... My family's name is D'Villa, and we called ourselves Villamites. "Villamites, Villamites, go, go, go!" We had a wonderful and naggy grandpa and a very caring and cute grandma. They made our lives colourful. Hehe, I was called the manja cat by my grandma. What to do, you all called us grandchildren, and pampered us with all you can, of course we were manja.
Ask you, how often you can manja someone as you grow older, say 22 years old? You are getting older and carrying more and more responsibilities on your shoulder. Suddenly someone came and told you that you are his/ her grandchildren, of course you will choose to put down everything and stick at him/ her to get pampered, right?
Ok, get to some serious stuff.
I met God face to face in the camp! He is real and living. A God who created the heaven and earth and everything in it, a God who loves me and calls me His Beloved, a God who promised that "All that I Am, I will be for you.", a God who engraves my name on His palm and who journeys with me, a God who loves the world so much until He chose to die on the cross for me so that He can redeem me from my sin and past, a God who weeps because of this broken world, a God who has given the great Commission to me, a God who has sent me, and a God who will come again and replace this broken world into a new Heaven and earth.
I shall present myself as a gift to God.