My story

Well, I've had a really wonderful weekend. Taking time off my daily activities - assignments, tests and presentations, I went down to KL and looked for Aun. Never expected I'd gained so much from this trip. Not only we being able to spend some time together, talking, praying and enjoying the company of each other, but God has truly spoken into my life.

Being in a long distance relationship is not at all easy. Moreover, both of us are so busy with our own studies and commitment. So, we literally put almost everything aside to arrange for this meet-up though I still stole some time to do my things when I was there. :)

Aun was late to come and fetch me when I reached there. I was quite angry with him because of that. But God spoke to me through a book, He said, "love is patient, love is kind. Why get angry over small things?" So, I chose another way of responding to this situation. Put my anger aside, I chose to forgive and gave him a smile. Well, it really turned things over.

Went to watch the footstool players on Sat night, the play "Walk His trail" that presented the lives of 5 missionaries, Jim Elliot and friends, and their wives really touched my heart. God challenged me, "Look at the lives of these people, what are you going to do with your life?".

Yes, true enough that I'm reaching the crossroad of my life. I'll be graduating real soon. Another one semester more to go, and then I'll need to step into a different world. Where am I heading to then? Well, It's has been a real worry-free 2 and a half years now. I need not worry about where should I go, what should I do. All I need to do is just study and serve God in CF and church, carrying out His mission/ purpose for me here in this campus.

I thank Him for leading me to USM after my STPM, after so much of worries and doubts. USM, translation and interpretation were not in my mind at all. I'd always wanted to do something else. But God told me to "trust & obey Me, and I'll make you prosper. I have a plan for you, a plan that is far better than yours. Just go and be an Enzyme there, create ripples in the place where I place you."

However, Uni life will soon come to an end. So soon. so soon... I can still remember very clearly my first week in campus, when I said goodbye to my parents and Liang and they left in front of Desa Indah Kembara. Tears were in my eyes, but I refused to let them get free from there. I tried to be strong, not wanting to let others, or myself see that I'm weak. Yes, since then I am a university student already. A university student who have struggled through the STPM and all the misery days of sitting in front of the table for more than 15 hours a day. The hiding under my table and the silent cries; the breakdowns I've went through and the nights I couldn't study at all. The phobia I had for exams. The disappointment I had for myself when I received my result. The KTM ride with no destination, with tears running down my cheeks. The shock and unbelievable feelings when Ken Wai told me the course I was given. The smses I sent to so many friends and pastors, asking them for their views. The most significant sms from my mui mui, saying that 3 simple words "Trust and Obey". The wrestling session with God, telling Him that I don't want to simply say that I trust Him yet it was just lips service and unable to fully surrender to Him. And finally the 2.30am of that day, my prayer of commiting all things to God.

And here I am, in USM, finding my strength in God, walking closer to Him day by day, realising my worth again as a woman and a student, serving Him with joy in my heart.

First year, I found myself again, through swimming- my favourite sport and other activities. Having freedom at that time was really great! I could choose the way I spend my time and not being restricted anymore. I love studying again. I realized that I'm not as stupid as I think, just that science is really not my cup of tea. I enjoy learning language :) and doing assignments.

Second year, the struggles I faced and the many times I failed God and failed myself. He picked me up again and showed me His grace and mercy. He turned my mourning into dancing and drew me closer to Him. My faith in God increased by leaps and bounds. I know Him and has experienced Him. His hands carried me through the darkest valley of life. And the person whom I thank so much though he hurt me so deeply.

I still remember the times I drove out without destinations, screaming and crying myself out due to the pain I was experiencing. And I doubted would I ever get over it, will I be healed and make whole again. And yes, God has shown Himself to me; faithful and merciful, gracious and loving. A God who listens to my deepest cry and cares. Washed me clean and made me whole AGAIN. He put the broken pieces of my heart back together, and mended it with His love. National Conference '06, the turning point of my life. Reminded of my promise to Him, to serve Him with all my life.

And here I am, in my third year of Uni life. I am free to love and be loved again. I'm learning to give myself and be more gracious. "Strength in Weakness", a book which speaks into my heart and helps me to come out from my coccon. Forced me to face my problem and hurt and freed me to start giving and feeling again. Our CF theme, "Grace Uncompromised" really challenged me to live a different life, a life that experiences grace and extends grace.

Life has not been as good before. Spiritually, emotionally and physically, I've learned and grew much than I've expected. Above all, I praise God!

As I experience being loved and love, I get to know God's wonderful plan. He is a wonderful and perfect God, isn't He? He has created all things in great manner and all things are perfectly put together for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28). If it's not of my broken-stained-stink past, I'd not be who I am today. Ya, learn things the hard way, but they stay.

So, the ultimate purpose of my life is to live for God, to please Him and honor Him.

Of course, there are still weaknesses in me, I'm still a person with much flaws. But God has given a new insight to me. Thank You, Lord.